Jesus tells us we must forgive from the heart. When you say you have forgiven someone and then go on to recount or relive all the grievances you say you have forgiven, then you should question whether you have truly forgiven them. Sometimes, forgiveness must come in layers. It is a process. You forgive the person, but you find yourself still harboring bitterness. Take another look at the person and see what else you still hold against them. You may have to approach forgiveness like peeling an onion. And like peeling an onion, you may have to cry an ocean of painful tears before you get to the core of forgiveness and clean your heart.

Sometimes the Bible can seem like a broken record. Love is patient, be patient with one another, be patient with everyone, be patient in affliction, and so on. Do you ever wonder why patience is mentioned so often? We are to be patient because God is patient. It is one of his characteristics of holiness.

Patience is not a passive pastime. Patience builds endurance and requires standing firm; therefore, it is an action. When you are patient with someone, you are not merely “putting up” with them, you are building endurance as you wait for him or her to grow or mature in an area.

Christ accepts us right where we are. He doesn’t stand there and accuse us of all our faults and wrongdoings. Instead, he comes alongside us and guides us to where he wants us to go. He takes into account how we were made, or our bent. He understands that some people are outgoing; others are withdrawn. Some like to work with their hands,;others, with people. Some like intellectual pursuits; others rarely dig deep into any topic.

Accepting family members gets down right difficult at times, especially when we don’t agree with their philosophy, lifestyle, or how they hang their toilet paper. Where we differ from them, we tend to do one of two things. We either try to change them, or we criticize them. In the case of adult relatives, we usually just criticize. If we are talking about our own children, we try to change them to fit the mold we have picked out for them. Both of these approaches break the relationships.
Acceptance does not necessarily mean approval. You can accept someone without approving of him or her. God accepts us as we are, but does not approve of all of our actions. Take a look at King David in the Old Testament. God called him a man after his own heart. Once David fought a giant in the name of God and won. Another time he restrained himself when he could have killed Saul, who was persecuting him. But on another occasion, he committed adultery and then murdered the woman’s husband to cover it up. God certainly didn’t approve of adultery or the murder, but he accepted David’s weaknesses along with his heart toward God.

God recognizes that we will never be perfect on this side of heaven. Our parents will not be perfect, we will not be perfect parents, nor will we be perfect family members. In his infinite wisdom, God made an allowance for our imperfections. That allowance is not tolerance; it is forgiveness.

Love is like a beautiful lace tablecloth thrown over a beat up, scarred wooden table. The scars are the wounds that you receive from others in your family. The weave of the tablecloth is forgiveness. The tablecloth not only conceals the scars so they can be forgotten, but it is pleasing to look at it. It covers the ugliness of sin with the beauty of love and forgiveness.

Is gratitude the same as thankfulness? I would say there is a subtle difference. Thankfulness has the connotation of being directed at the object or action received. Gratitude, on the other hand, is directed toward the giver.

One secret to happy Christian living is gratitude. It is more than being thankful for that which God has provided. It is being thankful to the Giver.

When times are hard, try gratitude. We did a little exercise the other day where I asked my boys, “What is the thing you are least thankful about in your life right now?” Then we came up with three things we could be thankful about related to that thing, even in the midst of our dislike for the condition or circumstance we didn’t like. We showed our thanks by expressing gratitude toward God for the things we could appreciate.

It is life-changing when you can dislike something, but still be grateful for things related to it. Think about the way this would change your relationship with your spouse or that errant child, or anyone else for that matter. If you habitually focus on the things you don’t like, then take that very attribute and focus on three things you can appreciate instead, how would that change your relationships? Try it, then let me know.

2 Peter 1: 5-9

But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge,  to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. (NKJV)

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I was reading 2Peter 1:5-9 the other day and was struck by how from faith, springs all other steps that add up to maturity. I created a pyramid at first, then decided that it needed to be inverted so that the pinnacle was touching the ground at one tiny point, as in a mustard seed of faith. And the base was up-ended so that Love was the largest section.

Here are some thoughts on what each layer means:

• Faith: rest, abide, stand firm
• Virtue: godly living, beliefs in action
• Knowledge: of God’s Word; Bible study
• Self-control: controlling the flesh, desires, appetites; resisting temptation
• Perseverance: patient endurance of trials; longsuffering because of hope
• Godliness: grace, even under pressure; obedience to God, manifested through humility
• Brotherly kindness: service to others
• Love: sacrificing of self to bring glory to God

© 2011 Stephanie Buckwalter

Today I voted, as is my habit at election time. However, this time around, I did not get one of those nifty stickers that says “I Voted.” I noticed it, but didn’t think much of it. A couple of times during the day, it came to mind that I did not have my sticker. I suddenly realized that even though that little sticker has no logical value, it makes me feel special–if only for a day. It is a little nudge of encouragement that says, “Way to go. You did the right thing.”

I looked around at my kids playing and realized that they, too, need little nudges of encouragement. Even something small like a sticker that says good job or a heart that says I love you. I encourage you today to get a sticker for someone else that lets them know they did something right today, or that you appreciate them for who they are.

I have read several books on humility (I wonder why), but I had never been able to grasp how to “humble myself.” I was reading a biblical counseling book on communication the other day and it occured to me that the beginning of humility is….listening. It’s that simple. But think about this for a minute. What is the first thing we do when pride kicks in? We stop listening to others. We think we know it all and we don’t need another’s input.

Listening is active, not passive as we might think. I once heard a statement that went something like this: “Conversation in America is a competition whereby two people start talking and the first one to draw a breath is declared the listener.” But listening should be more than the time we stop talking so we can formulate our next argument or thought. It should be the time we tune into another person’s thoughts.

When we listen like that, it begs a response. Our job as listener-trying-to-be-humble is to find an appropriate response.

Welcome to my website. This website will be a little different than my others. Instead of being formal about things, I want this one to be more relaxed. I want it to be like coming to spend some time with a good friend. I hope to encourage you with my words and thoughts, and help you along in your Christian journey. I welcome comments on my posts. I only ask that you keep them respectful, even if you disagree with something I’ve said.

Cheers,
Stephanie Buckwalter